Left Behind
by Roxie Zephyr Jocelyn
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Erwin Smith knew what it was like to be left behind; waiting for someone who would never return.


A/N: The fascinating characters of Shingeki no Kyojin ~ Attack on Titan ~ do not belong to me, but to their creator. Enjoy~

Left Behind

A terrible cry rent through the air; an animal sound of pure anguish. _Another parent, friend, lover crying, screaming, for someone who would never return._

Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scouting Legion, didn't need to turn around to know that the piercing look of accusation, condemnation that had settled in desperate eyes.

_He was only a child!_

_She was a mother!_

_He only wanted to fight for humanity!_

_She only wanted to protect her loved ones!_

_He didn't deserve this! She didn't deserve this!_

_Why? Why did this happen?_

_They trusted you; how could you allow this to happen?!_

_Why didn't you protect them?!_

Why did he return when they had not?

The celebrations could never outweigh the mourning; the triumph always paled in comparison to the grief. For every hard-earned scrap of victory, the cost was always too high. At the approval of their squad leaders, some soldiers had already broken away from the formation; calloused hands that had, only moments ago, held the dead bodies of their comrades, now held the shaking bodies of those who had been left behind. Lips that had screamed names and whispered platitudes to the dying now breathed consolations and comfort to denying ears; their own throats wrecked, their own voices cracking under the weight of their shared anguish.

Their march to the headquarters was a sombre one, but like every return, their success would not be overlooked and dismissed – because just coming back _alive_ was a victory, a cause for celebration.

'You are all dismissed for the week. Go, go back to your homes, and spend some time with your friends, families and partners. You have done well to return to them.'

Once all preparations had been completed, only very few remained; those who didn't have anyone waiting had gone instead to visit the families of their fallen comrades. The hallways that usually echoed with footsteps were silent as Erwin made his way to _his_ quarters.

As expected, the room was spotless; the meticulous neatness incredibly telling of the person who had lived there. The only thing out of place was the thin layer of dust that had settled on every surface. Closing his eyes, Erwin could see – so clearly, so vividly – the way _he_ would inspect the room, flinging the windows open to rid the place of the musky smell that pervaded the air, grumbling about the damn dust bunnies that had the nerve to fucking breed in his absence.

The commander's hand twitched, the phantom feel of a feather duster making his skin tingle, even as a familiar voice washed over him.

_Don't just stand there watching, you voyeur. If you're not planning to leave, make yourself useful and help me. It's a fucking mess in here. You'd think we left for centuries; not ten shitty days._

And, the image, the voice was gone; Erwin was once again alone, standing at the doorway of a dusty room.

Ten days.

Had it only been ten days?

Ten days since they had left the Walls.

Eight days since _he_ had left Erwin at the outpost.

Five days since everything had fallen apart.

Three days since Erwin had been able to do nothing but listen as they reported the news to him; they hadn't even been able to retrieve his body, only his Wings.

Three days since the commander had learnt that _he _would never return.

And, Erwin ached.

He ached – he _hurt_ – everywhere – his arms, his legs, his body, his head.

His heart.

_He wasn't a child, but he had so much to live for; Erwin had promised to show him the world outside the Walls, the world that Erwin was fighting for – a world free of Titans._

_He wasn't a father, but he would have made a damn good one – no matter how much he protested; and now, a child would never have the privilege of being cared for, of being loved by him. _

_He had fought for humanity; he had died for humanity._

_He had only wanted to protect his loved ones; his subordinates, Eren and his friends, Erwin._

_He hadn't deserve this; hadn't deserved to die without even the honour of being buried with his comrades._

_Unlike the rest of the civilians, Erwin had seen enough to know - and know intimately - the invevitability of going out to battle, but Erwin too was human, and he cursed the unfairness of what fate had dealt to them, to him._

Erwin had returned; Levi had not.

A terrible cry rent through the air; an animal sound of pure anguish. The remaining soldiers recognized the muffled voice and raised their own hands in silent salute. In the dormitory of the new recruits, the heavy silence that had blanketed Mikasa Ackerman and Armin Artlert was rip to shreds by the heart-rending sobs of one Eren Yeager. Somewhere within the walls Mike Zakarius and Zoe Hange toasted to a name that had once belonged to one of their own.

Someone who would never return.


End file.
